Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour

:iconwilhelmina-vanroyen:
I'm sorry but "wow, I feel fuzzed" just about made me snort my drink onto my computer. It feels insincere and just odd -- I think that is because of the "wow" at the beginning. Unless you were trying to convey drunkenness, it just sounds silly. Also, it is only four syllables. Fuzzed is a single syllable word unless you are pronouncing it like fuzz-edd (like Ed the name).

I've written a lot of haikus (I have a twitter that's only haikus) and I know how hard the rules are to stick to, but you haven't followed them. They are supposed to be five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables, unless there's a totally different type of haiku I've never heard of. Some of the lines are four syllables, like the last line of the first haiku. Watch your form.

That said, the concept is quite interesting and unique.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconthreedayweekend:
threedayweekend Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Writer
Well there's the Haiku-like work that Ezra Pound did but that wasn't what I was doing here.

I don't like Haiku's in general because I don't feel the concept translates into English well the way it is. I don't put much effort into rules I don't respect but I see your points as valid.

Thanks for the comments.
Reply
Add a Comment: